2011 Thus Far

I have been wanting to start a blog for a while now. I have so much on my mind and it helps to get it out by writing. Just to catch you up on what has been going on for the past 4 months: My husband, Casey and I found out we were pregnant in December. We were excited beyond words. We were overwhelmed by God's goodness and grace to bless us with a child so quickly. We told our family and friends, and everyone was thrilled.
January 4th, my mother-in-law had a brain aneurysm rupture and had emergency brain surgery. She was in neuro-trama ICU for 5 weeks, and it is a miracle that she is alive. She is home now and is doing well. We are amazed at the miracles God is performing in her life.
February 14th (Valentine's Day) I went to the doctor because of some complcations with the pregnancy. The doctor did an ultrasound and told us that everything looked great and she really did not think that we would lose the baby. I continued to have complications and on Thursday, February 17th, we lost our precious child to a miscarriage. I was 11 weeks along, but that didn't lessen the pain. From day 1, we knew that our baby was a human being, not an embryo, not a fetus, but a baby. We were absolutely, head-over-heels in love with that baby. It was ours, our first child. We prayed for our baby everyday, and pleaded with God to let us not have a miscarriage.
 I can't even begin to describe the intense pain of losing a child. I know many of you have been through it also, and know what I am talking about. Our hearts just hurt so badly, it was and still is the worst pain I have ever been through. We woke up crying, and cried ourselves to sleep for what seemed like an eternity. We went through many different stages: disbelief, anger, rage, hurt, doubt, fear, pain, and loss.
There were so many people who came around us and loved on and comforted us in this dark, dark, valley and we appreciate that so much. It has been 2 months now. The pain is still there and is still very real, but it is getting easier. We are making it and clinging to each other and to God now more than ever. We are so blessed that we have turned to each other and to God instead of away. I know that in times of crisis, a lot of marriages fall apart. God is strengthening us everyday and we are so thankful for that.
After many suggestions from friends, we decided to name our baby. While I was pregnant, of course, we discussed baby names, but we hadn't decided on any for sure. As I said before, I was 11 weeks pregnant when we lost the baby, so we did not know if it was a boy or a girl. So as we talked about naming the baby we decided that it needed to be a gender neutral name, we wanted it to be a biblical name, and we wanted it to have some significance. We scoured baby name websites and had many ideas. The one we decided on is Jaiden Mills. Jaiden was one of the people in the Bible who helped Nehemiah rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. We thought this was perfect! We have full confidence that our Jaiden is in heaven and we will be reunited with him/her one day. We can't wait for that glorious day!
There have been many other challenges and trials that have come to us over the past 4 months and as I think back on all that we have already been through in 2011, I am truly amazed that God has sustained us. He has given us the strength to make it through each day, sometimes kicking and screaming, sometimes crawling, and sometimes with tears streaming down our face, but we are making it.
There have been so many verses that have helped us but the one I keep coming back to is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." This has always been a special verse to me. At my high school graduation, I spoke and quoted this verse. As a young, innocent little 17 year old, I had no idea how much that verse would mean to me over the next 8 years.
So I guess this is probably enough for my first post. I hope I haven't lost any of you, I promise that every post won't be this long. So stick with me and check back soon. I hope you have a wonderful day!
Lindsey